I've been too afraid to consciously listen to any music lately, because I'm scared of the floodgates. People have been sharing mixtapes and playlists with me but I haven't listened to any of them because making playlists was one of Phia's great gifts and it reminded me too much of her.
Occasionally I'll catch a snippet of a song overhead somewhere and it will somehow magically relate to how I'm feeling. Miley Cyrus has been strangely comforting. Also Zedd's "Clarity".
This song was playing in my school's cafe, and so many of the mixed tumultuous emotions of the past few weeks came to surface. Disappointment. Betrayal. Hope and disillusionment. Confusion. Heartbreak. Dismay.
Whatever happened to "I don't want to lose you"?
Whatever happened to "I hope we can be friends down the line"?
Whatever happened to "I care about her and I don't want to miss out on her art"?
And yet I cannot begrudge you your happiness. If you're happier and healthier without me, that's good.
I wish you well.